i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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