Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
