I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize