I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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