Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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