I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
