Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
