Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it because I queefed?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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