ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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