not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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