i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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