it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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