Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
