dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
