Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
