So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize