I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
