the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
