Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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