How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
