my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
