I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize