Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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