If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its about making memories worth repressing
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
