oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
