I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize