we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
