i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
