put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
