He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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