he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
