Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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