oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize