O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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