It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
