My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
