My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
