wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
