Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nicole vs. Life
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
