I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
