it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
