you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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