maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
