we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
