Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
