drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
