this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
