I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
