Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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