Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then he peed in my hair
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
