I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
