awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
