I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
