you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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