You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
