Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
