somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
