The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
