great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
