i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
