someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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