I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
