how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize