I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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