he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
