I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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