I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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