East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
