marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
