Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
