he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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