1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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