i permit you to call me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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