Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
