entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
