I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
