He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
