he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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