the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
