well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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