We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
