Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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