the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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