apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize