sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
