I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
