I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
