I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So squirting runs in the family.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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