Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize