i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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