Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize