Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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