My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
