also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
