Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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