I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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