just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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