saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize