It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
