I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
