I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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