I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
