WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
