This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
