After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
