well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
