I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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