All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
