Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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