my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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