She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
