you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
