fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
