I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
