planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
