Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize