My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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