I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
