On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
