Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
