I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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