Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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